Three Questions That Oprah Didn’t Ask Us To Consider
GoAnimate.com: Oprah’s Three Questions by spencerhope
Like it? Create your own at GoAnimate.com.
I made the little video above because there was a time when I so bowled over by an Oprah Winfrey quote that it became a mantra of the moment for me. On her final show, she gave an incredible master class and shared her thoughts on what she perceived to be a core piece of meaning for many of us. She said, “I’ve talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common: They all wanted validation. If I could reach through this television and sit on your sofa or sit on a stool in your kitchen right now, I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire. They want to know: ‘Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?’”
Yes, that makes perfect sense and when she implored us to, “Try it with your children, your husband, your wife, your boss, your friends. Validate them. ‘I see you. I hear you. And what you say matters to me,’” I thought…wow…. this one conversation could be the key to breaking down so many moments of distress between co-workers, partners, spouses, children, parents—everybody.
But you see, you can ask a person to validate you but in the end if you don’t validate yourself first you will tend to walk around going from person to person asking them, “Can you see me?” “Can you hear me?” “Does what I say mean anything to you?” There are a lot of people to ask that of, but only one person’s answer really matters. YOURS!
And then one night I was scanning the TV and came across an ESPN E-60 program highlighting the story of former pro basketball player Chris Herren. He came up extraordinarily talented, lived life as a pro baller and made lots of money. He has a wife and kids and from all outside views many chances at a great life. But something was missing. Perhaps as a result of this, from his early days in college he has been an addict or as he is now, a recovering addict. At the end of the show, as he celebrated three years of sobriety he spoke of how after six years he had stopped shaving and brushing his teeth in the shower. He said that he realized that until now he could not look himself in the face.
That clip is here:
Amazing. Imagine not being able to look yourself in the face? After hearing this, I thought that the best beginning to a day and the best close to a day would be to walk into your bathroom, look yourself straight in the eyes and say, ” I see you.” “I hear you.” “What you say and feel matters.”
Can you do it? Start today!
Hi Spencer,
I really like your Goanimate video. Being able to give others the experience of being valued for their presence, listening to their words, and believing that their words matter is a gift to give and a gift to receive. Thanks for this. By the way, your honey Rochelle gave me the link to your blog.
John
Thanks John… You and your dedicated group of Peace Studies folks are destined to make the world a better place. I love hearing about the things you all consider and what hopes there are to make constructive change. Keep an eye on the blog. I appreciate your words.