Without Fear iPhone App

At the end of most chapters in the book, “The Four Hour Work Week” there is a section called “comfort challenge.” The idea is simple: do something out of your comfort zone as a means to emotionally prepare to enjoy your newly acquired lifestyle of simplistic freedom. I like this idea and as you’ve probably noticed in many of my posts, I love the book. It kick started my virtual lifestyle and I’m a believer.

You might also have noticed that I’m not much of an international traveler. As of yet, I’ve only been as far as the Bahamas. One embarrassing thing has always kept me virtually landlocked — my discomfort and often flat out refusal to fly. It has never been comfortable. I’ve had extreme panic attacks while flying. Because of this I’m the one who has driven from NC to Chicago, from San Diego to Seattle, and coast to coast three times. My daughter was born 3 months premature in Honolulu and I am convinced the emotional stress of flying over the ocean sent me into early labor. I could have stayed in Hawaii forever.  I did not want to get back on that plane.

As I’ve now created a virtual lifestyle that allows me to work and live wherever I want to, I increasingly see that where I want to go will require getting on a plane regularly. In March, I flew to California with family. I prepared myself with meditation and a great iPhone app produced by Virgin Airlines that I saw on The View. Whoopie Goldberg apparently overcame her fear of flying with the app. The California flight went well and I was proud of myself, so why not take the next step?

I’m going to take a random trip of 3 days and 2 nights to an as yet undetermined city. I’ll arrange my flight and hotel somewhat blind by using priceline to bid down to the bare bones cheapest rates.  All of this is the ultimate comfort challenge for me. Fear of flying is often a deep-seated fear of losing control. I will not know when my flight leaves until last minute. I won’t choose my hotel.

I’m going to fly alone.

Wow. I’ve never flown by myself. Because I have such fabulous travel buds in my family, I can’t ever recall just going “see ya!” We’ve always just gotten up and headed out together— mostly by car, occasionally by train, rarely by plane. So this will be different and I need your help.

Pick the city that I will visit for my challenge and you might win a gift card for your time.

1. Go on my Facebook page and look for my comfort challenge link. “Like” to join if you haven’t already, so that you can comment.
2. Suggest in the comment box, a city within the continental United States that you think might be cool for me to visit for a couple of days. I prefer if you tell me a reason or two why you’ve suggested this place but if not, I’ll just enjoy the surprise. Also the location must be where the plane lands. I won’t be driving a bunch of miles to another city from the airport.
3. Only suggestions on the FB page will be considered! No emails or other posts will be counted.
4. It’s fine to suggest someplace already mentioned. That’s your entry and this just increases the odds that I’ll go there.  Once the suggestion period ends, I’ll write your name on the back of your suggestion, put them all in a hat and draw the place I’m going to.
5. The person whose name is on the back of the winning suggestion slip wins the gift card.
6. I’ll head off for 3 days and 2 nights and tell the tale when I get back!

So, head over to the page and tell me where to go!

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The Four Hour Work Week on My iPad as a Reminder to Stay Efficient and Enjoy the Ride

Before I read Tim Ferriss’s Four Hour Work Week, working from home and online seemed the ideal route for me. Four years ago when I began my transition to online, I was juggling two other teaching jobs. One part time at a local university. The other a full time assistant professor position at another university. The full time position required me to be at faculty meetings, prep, and teach several classes during the week. The part time position didn’t require as much commitment, but did require a drive somewhat longer than I was used to. My new online teaching position offered a new kind of freedom that intrigued me. The idea of doing my course responsibilities from anywhere seemed like heaven. Somewhere the seed grew in my mind that maybe, just maybe I could do the online gig alone and sever the tethers to traditional office hours and classroom antics forever. Once that was done, I relished being able to do my work in my pj’s, devoting about 30 hrs a week to students. I had no idea how something so good could possibly be better.

In 2008, I read Timothy Ferriss’s book, “The Four Hour Work Week.” A major component of the book is in how Ferriss challenges the reader to shift their concept of needs, wants, and dreams, to how work plays into all of this. It is possible he argues, to focus on the things that are most important to you, and shape your work choices around that to ultimately achieve them. While I enjoyed a 30 work week in pj’s, Ferriss and the 4HWW showed me that the focus of enjoyable work was still eating up time from an enjoyable life —and I could make that much better.

A principle of the book is to be able to cut the amount of time you spend working, so that you can spend more time living. I used the principles of the Four Hour Work week, not to create an online business that would fend for itself (even though I did; see model here), but to take what I do well (teaching) and turn it into an online occupation that frees up my life to explore and enjoy.

Even now years later I still have days of wonder, and think…”Is this really happening?”

Most days I get up and go to bed when I feel like it.

I work best in the early morning so I will probably get my online work done in the morning when I’m most focused and have fewer distractions. This allows me to have the entire day to read, write, and just be.

I have the freedom to let my day breathe. If I want to sit and read most of the day I can. If I want to go Trikke riding I can. If I get stuck in traffic I don’t worry, because I don’t have to rush to get anywhere.

I have a lot of time to think about what it is that I want from my life and importantly, work on how to get it.

I can travel mostly without consideration to my work. I can work from a laptop in a hotel, on an iPhone on the beach, and now also from my iPad in a coffee shop.

Work is satisfying, not because of the moment I sit down and work on that screen, but for the moment I get up and walk away…out into my life!

At best I do have a four hour work week. It is my belief that without the tactical changes I made in my work, it would take me 30+ hours a week to do these tasks. Now I’ve cut the time by more than 80% and I do what I feel is a better job. Better for my students because of the focus I give them. Better for me because I live a more engaged life.

Over the years I have learned how to do my online work with a focused precision. Ferriss speaks of this time management method as the 80/20 Pareto principle where if you figure that of 100%, 20% is vital and 80% is trivial. If you can give 100% to the vital components and not waste time on the trivial, productivity can be focused and skyrocket. I apply this to my online work. I give attention to students as needed. I do my work with care and give feedback to make the learning process optimal for them. Still, by intently focusing on what has to be done, I am able to treat this precision as a means to gain freedom of time and space that I so love as my main currency to spend.

My 4 hour work week and the application of the principles look like this:

I have two days a week where I am “off” and not responsible for being in the classroom or responding to students at all. I chose to make these Saturday and Monday. By sticking with this, my students learn when it’s best to communicate with me and structure is formed in habit.

During “discussion” weeks, I am responsible for being present 5 days. Being present means coming online at some point during a 24 hr period and responding in a dialogue fashion to students posts to discussion forum questions. I have a certain amount of posts I am required to make. If I’m quick and focused, meaning I don’t get backlogged with reading old comments because I haven’t checked them regularly, I can zone into my students most current and pressing ideas and spend no more than 30 minutes engaging them with new questions or answering responses to ones I posed the day before.

During “attendance”weeks, I do not have to post because during these weeks students are working independently on assignments. My job during such weeks is to check their individual forums 5 days a week to see if anyone has a question or problem to be addressed. If no questions are posed I can usually scan all of the students forums in a matter of minutes and move on. Ferriss discusses this concept in relation to email. We spend an inordinate and wasted amount of time checking emails throughout the day. For me, one focused and careful attending to them per day accomplishes the same thing. By coming online at the same time daily I ensure that students are looking for me, and that I can catch all posts that may come in during a 24 hr period.

Discussion and attendance weeks alternate, so potentially, if no questions are posed during attendance weeks I have a week with an even smaller work load. This is when the appreciation of the time I have rises to the top. If I have a lighter work week, I don’t feel guilty and try to find a way to stay “work-busy.” I step back, exhale, and go find something that fulfills this extra present of freedom.

I have to grade submitted work within 48 hrs of the due date. In most cases this can all be done on Sundays.

Each Sunday I spend the bulk of my online work week grading and posting assignments for the following week. This is my most time consuming day. Depending on the number of students I have, I can still get it done in 2-3 hours. If I have plans to be out of town or my Sunday is inflexible, I can split this time up during the week, and save all my grading and posts as drafts to be released on Sunday. Focused efficiency is the key!

Working online and from home is something I hope more and more people will come to realize as a viable option for them. Teachers. IT experts. Life coaches. Grant Writers. SEO experts. Web and graphic designers. Artists. Writers. Even Apple customer service reps are working out of their homes now. It’s all possible. If you have an idea about your own dream of doing it, drop me an email. I would be glad to help you with the considerations.

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I want to thank all of you Kindle owners who have subscribed to the Observations from the Road Less Traveled Blog. I really appreciate your support and wanted you to see this when you open up your Kindle today and get your automatic, wireless upload of my latest blog entries. As you know, I am a big Apple fan, but I do have the Kindle app on my iPhone, laptop, and iPad. I’m working on an iPhone app for the blog. I’ll let you know when that’s ready. Those of you with a dedicated Kindle can subscribe to the blog from the Kindle store and ensure that all of the blog posts will be ready for you when you sit down with coffee, ready to come with me on my journey across the roads less traveled. Blog posts on the Kindle are full text with pictures and links. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can subscribe via email and receive spam free updates in your box. It’s July and I have lots of great posts coming up. Don’t miss a thing!

By the way, there are a few great updates on the blog. One, I’ve changed the look again. I felt it was time for a new dress for the next leg of the journey! Hope you like the subtle changes. Second, I’ve added a nice photo journal with rotating pictures to the side bar. Here you will see many pictures of things I talk about on the blog. Finally, I’ve added a new button for all of you Facebook folks to click on to recommend posts you like. It’s an easy click to show your support and share the blog with friends. Thanks!

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Trader Joe's 1000 Layer Crackers and Rooibos Tea

Negotiate being a vegan:
5 months in. Hmm. Not too tough. Many say that the thing they couldn’t give up is cheese. I don’t miss it that much. I don’t eat cheese substitutes that often, although I do enjoy rice vegan cheese on a veggie burger now and then. It’s very good. I’ve found that vegan mayo is tasty. Vegan butter is just fine. I don’t miss meat at all. Grilled the chicken and burgers for guests on Memorial Day and had no yuck reaction, nor did I feel a need to preach. To each his own journey, but let me just say it is so possible to live a healthy and happy vegan life! 15lbs lighter. Doubtful that’s coming back. Feel healthier. Cleaner. Clearer. Feel like my body is able to do its work. Feel like my moral and ethical compass is pointing me in the right direction.

Discover food at home that tastes fantastic:
It’s hard to explain to those who question the taste of vegan food how flavorful it can be if your focus is not on meat and dairy. It’s not what you’re missing, it’s what you have to enjoy. That is the right mind set I think. Discovered that a vegan alfredo sauce poured over fettuccine with fresh grilled eggplant, zucchini, onions, and garlic from the garden could make my day. Chopping more fresh veggies and seeing Rochelle create a vegan tempura batter served with sauce made from ginger slices, scallions, soy sauce, and agave nectar? Delicious!

Eat out and find ‘vegan without trying’ discoveries:
There are lots of foods that are vegan but are “mainstream” everyday foods. Lots of my favorite comfort foods are still on my list as a vegan. I check this website often and love to find many foods and snacks that I can still enjoy. Trader Joe’s is great and they have an online listing of all their vegan products, including the 1000 layer crackers pictured at the top of this blog. Perfect with tea. I thought eating out would be tough, and it does take some planning…but what doesn’t? I have found some great stuff out and about as well: Fruit gelato is a special treat. All I had to do was ask about ingredients. Many are made with vegetable based emulsifiers. Our local favorite is Henry’s at North Hills in Raleigh, but most any gelato shoppe will do the trick. Noodles and Co’s Pasta Fresca dish without cheese? Excellente’! Ordered Carrabbas Margherita Pizza minus the cheese, added kalamata olives, had them substitute fresh herbs for the sprinkled parmesan, and I experienced an incredible flavor burst. Pei Wei adds great 5 spice firm tofu slices to their gee (melted butter) free sweet and sour veggie plate. The Cheesecake Factory’s fresh vegetable salad with asparagus, green beans, tomato, cucumber, roasted beets, apple, edamame, radicchio, romaine and pomegranate vinaigrette goes great with their grilled eggplant sandwich. And, you can never go wrong with a quick stop at Q’dobas for tortilla soup and grilled veggie and black bean tacos.

Henry's Gelato

Noodles and Co.

Carrabbas

Grow Veggies in the garden:
Nothing better than going out and picking food for lunch and dinner. It’s been so much fun to peek out every morning and see new things sprouting up. In less than 6 weeks we went from the small starter plants you see below to stuffed stomachs from their harvest. We’ve enjoyed eggplant, zucchini, cucumbers, gourmet lettuce, peppers, tomatoes, and a handful of herbs. It’s been a wonderful experience. Caring for the garden is relaxing. The difference in the taste of home grown and fresh picked food is enough to make me think about homesteading! Been reading up on it in this great book, and I’m thinking about ways to expand the joys of urban vegan homestead/gardening.

Coming soon…. — Rediscovering Reading, Writing, and Buddhism

A few months ago I started thinking seriously about a nudist experience. I was sitting on the sands of South Beach in Miami observing all the women who were sunning topless while being sexualized by many on the beach. Then two young girls walked past me. They were about 10, and from their accents they were not American. They were also topless. This started my thoughts as to how topless women are sexualized, particularly in the US, and that nudity doesn’t have the same meaning in other countries. What would it be like to consider my own nudity in a “public” yet non-sexualized way?

So, when the plan grew to visit Palm Springs, we started to consider places to try this out. There have always been a large number of nudist resorts in the Palm Springs area. Some cater to gay men. Some cater to experienced nudists, and these have a drop all clothes at the door mentality where everything from dinner, to working out, to playing tennis is done in the nude. Not ready for that. There are also a couple of resorts in the area that are purely sexual and for swingers. Nope. We were looking for a welcoming, non-sexual clothing optional resort where we could dip our toes into the process and be comfortable doing so. This was at the Living Water Spa in Desert Hot Springs, just a short drive north of Palm Springs.

It is a cozy, private resort with about 10 guest rooms surrounding a small courtyard that has a pool, Jacuzzi and sunning areas. Professional massage therapy is offered. There was no pressure to be nude, but once there we never seriously considered not being so. There were no gawkers and conversations were held quite comfortably at eye level. In other words, our nudity was not an issue to others, it was accepted as the norm in this environment. Of course there were nerves on my part. The first person to greet me in the nude was co owner Judy, then her husband Jeff arrived with a friendly smile and an outstretched and welcoming hand, which to be honest made me a little light headed. Yet, once I took my uncomfortable and self imposed blinders off, I let myself go to enjoy a wonderful body affirming experience that reminded me that no one is perfect, nor should we really care about that-it’s what’s on the inside that counts. And, that sexuality and nudity are not one and the same.

We didn’t stay overnight at the resort, choosing instead to take the baby step of a day visit. Although, I can imagine how wonderful it must be to stay at the resort overnight and walk out into the morning sun naked and go for a swim. During our time there we lay in the sun, and swam freely in the silky waters of the natural hot springs pool. The Jacuzzi seemed to be a meeting place and we comfortably sat soaking and talked to other guests about everything from travel, to children, to sports. Lunch was served and there was no pressure to sit in the dining area, the idea was about freedom. Freedom to sun, swim, and just be.

The Best Clothing Optional Starting Point in Palm Springs-Living Waters Spa

Want to Place Tennis in the Nude? – Desert Sun Resort

Walk on the Wild Side? Sea Mountain Resort

The Top Gay Men’s Clothing Optional Resort in Palm Springs La Dolce Vita

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Twenty one years ago, my mother, my infant daughter, and I arrived in Palm Springs Ca. for the first time. We had completed an incredible cross-country journey, with little plans other than to start a new life in California. Incredibly, my mother had entrusted me with the decision as to what city we would settle in. From my rock and roll mind and obvious immaturity, I had chosen Bakersfield, only because I knew that the Van Halen brothers had come from the Netherlands and started their lives there. Sounded good to me. Wow. When we arrived in Bakersfield, it was not the kind of city that I had expected. We were afraid of the urban roughness, so different from where we had come from in North Carolina. So, as we stood outside a phone booth off an exit on I-10, my mother engaged in a bit of her own coin toss. To the west was Los Angeles. Not interested. To the east sat Palm Springs. Interesting. Off we went. An amazing story with memoir to be published someday!

I don’t believe that any road traveled is done so by accident. We moved to Palm Springs and life changed dramatically. One fateful day, my daughter and I were suffering from colds and were sleeping together on our living room couch. She had a febrile seizure and was rushed to the local ER. There we met a kind young doctor who would treat my daughter, fall in love with my mother, and be a part of our lives to this day as a grandfather, husband, and stepfather.

Palm Springs holds the significance of being one of many turning points in my life. I lived there for a time, visited my folks there often, and last returned 12 years ago. I was excited to know that I would be visiting again this March. What would it feel like? What memories would be evoked now that my mother has been deceased 5 years and my daughter is about to graduate college? I’ll be blogging on this and more as the road less traveled reveals itself. Stay tuned!

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Image from VeganMonth.Com

I was a vegetarian for 8 years followed by a time when I was a pescetarian (fish eater). A couple of years ago during incredible periods of stress and family loss I fell completely off my wagon and began eating meat. The obvious changes came in weight gain, digestive difficulties, and mood swings. This is quite typical for omnivores, but I fought hard not to connect the problems my body was having to what I was eating:

Perhaps most importantly, I checked out of the world around me. I found myself becoming less and less conscious of my connection to nature, living beings, and the spirituality that I had chosen to pursue through Buddhism and Pantheism. In this way, my diet was connected to my spirituality and so I was totally out of whack. I began to realize that my diet was one internal contradiction that I could and should pay attention to and resolve.

I chose to become a Vegan in both diet and lifestyle because it ultimately addresses and complements what I believe in and what I want to stand for as a caring human being. This is a very personal decision. Returning to vegetarianism is not enough. As the joke goes, “you’ll eat an egg, but not a chicken?” I don’t want to spend any time contemplating the answer. In a nutshell there are 5 simple reasons why I’m becoming a Vegan.

1. I cannot justify an animal being slaughtered for my consumption. This is the inconvenient truth of the matter. No matter how organically raised, farm bred, free ranged, grass fed, beer fed or massaged they are before being led to slaughter (yes, massaged…watch the Kobe Steers in the YouTube video below get drunk too **no violence shown**). They are led to slaughter for me. I can no longer be disconnected from this simple fact.

2. My body is not separate from the world around me. How I manage my body is to me, directly related to how I manage my world. I want the two in balance. I want them to reflect health, patience, consciousness, and care. Love my body. Love the world around me.

3. The only foods that both the American Heart Association and the American Cancer Society apply dietary restrictions to are meats, fish, chicken, and dairy. The only foods they apply no limitations to, encourage you to eat daily, and will categorically state that can reduce your cancer risk are grains, fruits, and vegetables.

4. I have had to take a lactaid pill to enjoy ice cream without after effects. I buy lactose free milk to be able to eat a bowl of cereal with milk. This has started to make no sense to me. I say no to science like in this Wall Street Journal article. Scientists in the article ponder why so many people become lactose and diary intolerant after childhood. They are actually working to create human genetic modifications so that we will tolerate dairy better. This study was funded by the American Diary Products Institute. Humans are the only mammals to drink milk past development and the only ones to willingly, and consistently drink the milk of another.

5. My understandings of my dietary needs have evolved enough to understand that I can be strong, healthy, and food happy as a Vegan. I can have flavor. I can have texture. I can have protein. I can have variety.

As to diet, it is also my health commitment to reduce my intake of sugars and processed foods. As this “helpful” website lists, there are lots of foods that are Vegan. A Pop Tart is vegan, but that doesn’t mean I should be eating this highly processed mess for breakfast every day. Still, while I am focused on whole, fresh foods, I’m not going to deny myself the pleasure of having someone else do the work every once in a while. I won’t turn my nose up at prepared or even mock meat products. Just know that to me, to fantasize about eating a turkey and to regularly pretend I’m eating a cow is not really overcoming. I’m cool with tofu, and it doesn’t have to look like a chicken strip for me to eat it. It’s the seasonings that make it fly and to me, it is the seasoning that holds memory. Remember, few actually eat meat naked with no spices or breading. What does it taste like without seasoning, sauces, and breading anyway?

Don’t misunderstand me. I was raised on meat and such, and in the past months I have really, really enjoyed the tastes that I’ve experienced on the road. (See here and here) But you know, afterwards I felt wrong in my spirit. I know that I am able to find just as remarkable dining experiences on this next road less traveled. I’ve already set up my iphone with apps to help me find vegan restaurants, and apps to tell me what’s vegan in popular restaurants.

As to the Vegan lifestyle, I don’t intend on demanding that the leather sofa that has been in our living room for 10 years be thrown out. But, when we buy a new set, it will surely be considered with more thought. I’ve never really brought leather products, but there is a gorgeous coat I brought last fall that looks like the real thing but I don’t think it is. I’ll be keeping that and it won’t go to Goodwill. Future purchases will be more conscious. I won’t be joining PETA and throwing things at people, but it would be cool to be a sexy Vegan eh? Finally, because this is my personal choice, no matter how I feel about it, you and I can be friends if you’re an omnivore. I will go to dinner with friends who don’t eat the way I want to, as long as I can eat the way I want to.

The next road less traveled awaits, and I’m very excited.

Interested in Veganism? Here are some concept and recipe books to get you started. If you have more that have helped you, just place the title and author in the comment box.

Sistah Vegan – A. Breeze Harper

The Kind Diet- Alicia Silverstone

Quantum Wellness 21 Day Cleanse- Kathy Freston

Vegan Soul Kitchen Bryant Terry

Eating Animals – Jonathan Safran Foer

The Omnivore’s Dilemma- Michael Pollard

Buy fruits and vegetables at your local farmers markets. Find em’ in your area here.

I am totally hooked on Ancestry.com. So much so, I’ve forgotten to sleep and eat a few different times over the past few days. Wow. I mean, who knew? I obviously didn’t. It started innocently enough. I was working on my memoir and was reminded of a discussion with a colleague about her web search for those in her past. I thought that perhaps a free trial would be harmless in helping me fill in some of the blanks in my family mystery. ( I always call it that versus history). It was easy enough to find most of my father’s relatives as they seemed well documented down through the years. I had only a few names from a couple of generations, but it was amazing to find documented proof of their lives back 5 generations. It is my recently deceased mother’s mystery that has always been the center of my family. Things unsaid. Conflict based on painful memories shared sparingly. Would I be able to find anything?

I began simply with her and the knowledge of my grandparents names. I was able to find a very valuable 1930 census recording where everyone in the house at that time was listed. I was able to search the spokes of information found within. Where they lived. Who were their neighbors. Names of her siblings. Their dates of birth. From there I took this info and looked for each relative and found incredible things about my grandparents, all the way back to my great great grand parents and perhaps more. I worked backwards, filling in a mysterious tree with both online info and by remembering tiny facts or old stories that came to my mind during this process. Where the line ended, and where names stopped in 1803, I found the birth of David M__, a man from Wilmington NC who I believe began the secret that haunted my mother’s side of the family for many years. I have known for years that there was pain, that there was shame, and that it was related to heritage. I believe he entered my heritage as a slave owner and possibly as the father of Martha my great great grandmother. How did I find him? With Ancestry.com and a bit of online detective work that had me eventually leaving the site and finding even more interesting facts.

My mother was born in 1937. Although I have been told she had 17 siblings, on Ancestry.com I have to date found proof of only 15. My mother’s tree filled in and branched out on my computer screen in facinating ways. I found matched couples. The R’s in Raleigh and Rosana- my grandparents. The J’s in James and Johnie, my great grandparents. The M’s in Mack and Martha, my great great grandparents. Raleigh was born in 1893. There is no record of the day of his birth. I found a 1917 World War I draft registration card for him that shows at the time he was a 24 yr old who did not know the day he was born, but knew the year. He was also unable to read or write so the draft records keeper filled out the card for him and he was released from draft consideration. I was able to confirm other facts about him through the 1910 and 1930 census documents. Here is where I was also able to track his growing family which would soon include my mother. In the 1930 census record, I found that he had become literate. Raleigh disappeared after the 1930 census and I could find no further records of him. I will have to hit the roads of his hometown to find out what happened to him. There are now addresses and info to help me piece that together.

Records show Rosana was born in 1899 and died in 1987. As a side note, I was quite honored to see a pattern of many women on both sides of my tree living close to and way into their late 90‘s. I hope that I will be that fortunate. Grandmother Rosana is listed in the 1900, 1910, and 1930 census records, first as a child and then as a wife. I learned the names of her siblings. I lost the thread of info on Rosana’s mother Johnie, because I could not find her maiden name. But my great grandfather James was born in 1869 and died in 1923. His death record shows that he died of pneumonia, but important to my search, it was in this document that I found his parents names. His father Mack I quickly lost, but the tree continued with his mother Martha (1841-1936) whose maiden name was on her death certificate. On her birth record I found an oddity. Her mother is listed as unknown, while her father was listed as a David M__ from New Hanover in NC. Scanning through several records for a David M__ born in 1803, I found only one that seemed to fit the correct age, name, and location. An 1850 census record detailed his household being that of a wife, 6 children, and one male servant. A white family, with no black child. No Martha. Where was she? Was I wrong about David M__? The records of David M__ continued and suddenly an 1850 US Federal Slave Record came into view. I found that David M__ owned 16 slaves from ages infant to 36. There were two older female slaves and one young girl who was 9 in 1850, the same age my great great grandmother Martha would have been.

Could this man have been her biological father? Could he have been her owner? Is this a broken thread and not related to Martha at all? I found all the points troubling but intriguing at the same time. There was one nagging factor that I couldn’t find a connection for. If this is Martha in the slave record, how did she wind up in Ellenboro NC, where everyone after her seemed to grow from, completely isolated in the mountains of North Carolina? This potential slave thread began on the far coast near Wilmington. This bothered me for a couple of days until I was doing separate research on the area where most of my mothers people are from. Ellenboro is a tiny place where the census of 2000 recorded a population of less than 500 residents. I was curious as to what it might have looked like throughout the 1800‘s. An extra click on facts suddenly gave me a possible route for Martha. In 1880, Seaboard Railroad built a line straight from Wilmington to Ellenboro of all places. Did this railroad line bring freed slaves to the mountains? Did it bring a freed Martha and Mack and their children, one of whom was my great grandfather, to a new life? I can’t say for sure, but surely with Ancestry.com I have more tools to dig deeper into my mystery and see what comes up next. Ready or not. In the meantime I’ll be printing all of these great documents off Ancestry.com and compiling them for my own daughters time when the deeper questions of where she comes from inevitably arise. Especially after she reads my memoir.

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On July 1, I went on a web surfing and social media fast, choosing to leave non-business related access to the web for one month. It’s been going quite well! I work from home and my income comes entirely from web based resources. I spend my day doing the required work of online teaching and processing orders from my online businesses. I have and take the time to contemplate a couple of more online streams that will likely debut by years end. This year, I have come to find myself spending too much of my valued free time still in front of my Mac, not utilizing the time that has gratefully been afforded me by my choice of this road less traveled.

Alas, I found myself getting sucked into random information overload. When actual online work required a step away from the screen for a breather, I found myself staying in place. I surfed, posted on FB and Twitter, or scanned numerous and repetitive news sites. What I should have been doing was getting a cup of tea, sitting in the backyard, going for a trikke ride, or getting out the house to explore a part of my world I had not before.

All this was becoming very isolating, and counter intuitive to my inherent goals of flexibility and freedom. I was also become a web manic version of Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man, spewing random news stories and tidbits all day long, clearly unable to leave it behind when I should have.

All that’s changing and it is an incredible difference. I don’t know what my Facebook friends are doing, and I’m okay with that. Although I couldn’t escape the tragic news of Michael Jackson’s death on June 25th , which came pre-fast, I hear from friends and family that the news on this keeps churning nearly a month later. I’m glad I’m not paying attention because as he should have been able to, I am trying to rest in peace while I’m still in this earthly space. I also have re-discovered those moments of silence in my day that I had lost touch with. My meditation and journaling have returned and are thankfully less fractured.

Two weeks in, I’m just getting to the point of really feeling the shift. Things are a bit clearer and less cluttered in my mind. I am able to focus with less head noise. I’m less distracted. This makes me think that one month is not enough, or even better that this is the way I should be all the time! What an interesting quandary. What an interesting road less traveled indeed, to consider how to manage work based on the web, while experiencing a 12 step program of withdrawal from it!

Books re-reading and loving during this time:

Vagabonding; An Uncommon Guide to the Art of Long-Term World Travel by Rolf Potts

Six Months Off- How to plan, negotiate, and take the break you need without burning bridges and going broke by Hope Dlugozima

The 4 Hour Work Week- Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich by Timothy Ferriss

Simple Prosperity- Finding Wealth in a Sustainable Lifestyle by David Wann

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We live in a good housing market here in NC, where you can get nice affordable suburban homes for great prices. A few years ago when we first started looking to buy, our eyes where on a couple of sweet party shacks. Three floor townhomes with lower floor party rooms, mid floor social areas, and upper floor private bedrooms. The ones we looked at were from $220-$360K. Not bad at all.

Still, we started to notice lots of curious signs for “interest only” loans in the communities we looked at. Builders were aligned with mortgage companies to offer mortgages that would immediately put buyers at a disadvantage, having them pay no principle and only interest. These loans allowed buyers to get into larger and more expensive homes than they normally would be able to afford, but when the interest only portion of their loans expired trouble might ensue. Like adjustable rate mortgages, there was a time clock ticking on these loans. Buyers weren’t thinking that they wouldn’t be able to afford the adjusted loan payments down the road. Many thought they would enjoy their party shacks and sell them before the party ended — never anticipating what happened with our economy. When people started pointing fingers at the mortgage industry, minorities and the poor were seen as the catalyst for the housing crash. I sat and remembered all of the middle and upper class suburbanites (like myself) of all races, who were clambering after those party shacks, considering taking those risky loans and potentially defaulting on them.

The interest only loan was always odd to me, and being inquisitive I did my research on just what was at risk. During one of those days of reading, googling and listening to Clark Howard, the name of the national organization NACA (Neighborhood Assistance Corporation of America) came up. I went to their website and was intrigued. No deposit. No closing costs. An interest rate at least .25% lower than the prime? How could this be? I dug deeper in the site and I saw why NACA is such a great grass roots organization, but also why few take advantage of what it has to offer.

There are 2 big reasons why people aren’t flocking to an organization like NACA: convenience and status. Which is also likely to be the reason many are in debt and losing their houses in the first place.

People aren’t used to being examined for their choices. We go into Best Buy and 5 minutes later we have instant credit. Our credit reports don’t reflect and many creditors don’t care about hidden obligations, money spent eating out that can bust a budget, or gas, insurance, and maintenance spent on that $500 a month car. We don’t like to be told anything about this and we like to get what we want, when we want it. At least most of us do, and at least that’s the way it used to be before the crash.

NACA doesn’t care about convenience. They care about getting people in homes that they can afford, maintain, and keep. They’re not going to tell you what you want to hear, and they’re not going to give you what you should not have. They’re not going to respond to your impulses or needs for status.

The NACA website details the steps toward home ownership and they are as important as they are many. There are a few important points that you should know from the gate:

Workshop and Counseling-You will have to attend a NACA orientation workshop and come to regular appointments as your financial viability is monitored.

Purchase Price Maximum- Based on the area you live in, home purchase price maximums are set ( see website ). This is one barrier for many. Based on NACA’s evaluation of your income and obligations you will not get a home that is more than you can afford, but some can afford more than NACA maximums allow. If this applies to you, this is purely a personal choice to continue with NACA. However, I suggest that if you can afford more of a house, that you don’t buy it. Get a great house through NACA, and put the money you save into your future, your present, your travel… anything but into the status of more rooms and walls unless you really need them.

Not Investment Property-You must live in your home, and this must be your primary residence. NACA is focused on increasing wealth through home ownership, not investments. You can buy a foreclosed home if you find one you like, but you must live in it.

Income-pay stubs, tax returns, bank accounts-They will be in your business! Also a big deterrent for many. In order to become NACA qualified, which means you can afford, maintain, and keep your home, you must show income, tax returns, bank accounts and savings patterns over a period of time. If you walk into a NACA session and have all of this documented for a continuous period (perhaps 3 months) then you can be qualified faster. If you don’t have steady paperwork, then you might have to prove this pattern over a short time. NACA counselors will go over your accounts, and your debits to highlight your spending habits. They will show you where you can put money for savings, and help you establish more conscious patterns that in the long run are better for you. For me, I never realized how much I ate out or how much I spent on books!

Clean or cleanable credit report-Each time you have a meeting with a NACA counselor, your credit report is pulled. That first report is your base. There is no concern with a credit score, only what is on your report. Your credit does not determine your loan rate either. Everybody starts with the same %. If you have derogatory entries on your report you are not turned down. NACA expects you to go through the process to clean up your report, which may mean adding several months to your qualification. You might have to enter into arrangements with old bills to pay an agreed upon balance. If you have current bills on your report, you must be current with them over a period of months, showing responsibility. If you have big dings on your report such as repossessions and bankruptcy you are still okay as long as they are documented to be discharged and no longer your responsibility. Regular pulling of the report also assures that you have no new obligations.

Savings Account- Part of the NACA creed is to maintain your home. Demonstrating this falls partly to your ability to save money. You will need to show a regular savings pattern over 2-3 months. Money that you do not touch! In addition there is the concept of payment shock. Here, NACA counselors find the difference between your present rent and your prospective mortgage. You must save this amount for 2-3 months. Obviously this suggests that if you can’t save that…you couldn’t pay a mortgage!

I accepted the NACA way. Accepted their realtors, inspectors, and regulations and found out that everything they promised was realized. After 2 months of savings pattern work, I was NACA qualified and able to look for a home. The time taken helped quell some of my impulses for the party shack and we looked for solid investments and good deals. It took about 6 more weeks to find the house, get it inspected, go through lender paperwork processing and set up a closing appointment. Through NACA negotiations we were able to have our builder make many concessions. They brought down an already low rate, installed new stainless appliances, extra fixtures, gave us a year off from HOA dues, and our loan is serviced through Bank of America.

As promised we had no down payment and no closing costs. I came to closing with a check for $264.59 for partial property taxes and walked away with the keys to a $198,000 1900sq ft, new construction home with a 4% fixed rate 30-year loan with principle and interest of $940 per month.

So I allowed a different take on things and all went well for our house hunt. We brought a beautiful home. I was persistent and patient and the tools that I learned from my NACA experience have really paid off and added to my journey down the road less traveled. When I talk about flexibility and freedom, part of that is financial. If I made choices that increased my financial responsibilities, I might be forced to make choices to maintain them at the cost of things that I enjoy spending money on more! Those choices might interfere with my freedom and flexibility. So, utilizing NACA as an option allowed me to balance, still have a great home, but leave opportunity for me to comfortably maintain what is most important to me…my freedom.

In my neighborhood I regularly see the for sale signs come up, or go down because no one will buy in this tight credit market. I see my old neighbors leave their homes in foreclosure or rent them out to avoid that foreclosure. While I know the value of the home that we eventually chose is probably on the lower side right now because of the overall market, I am confident and feel very protected in our cocoon. So glad I didn’t fall for the party shack. Why didn’t I? Because I looked down the road less traveled.

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Photo Source: http://stormingthefloor.net

This story is truly one of the road less traveled. 6′ 11″ San Diego basketball phenom Jeremy Tyler has decided to forgo his senior year in high school in order to prepare for the 2011 NBA draft. Since 2006, all players out of high school have had to wait one year and essentially be 19 years old. This came after several high profile players went straight from high school to the pros. Recognizing the movement to the road less traveled, we have to consider thinking another way about some of more prominent arguments against this proposed journey.

1. He needs to finish high school and complete the socialization it brings. A valid argument only if we are able to answer the question “socialization for what?” At best, socialization in high school is a backwards proposition in our society. Few things social in high school or even college are regarded as relevant in the so called “adult” world. Many leave high school and college as confused about what they’re going to do with their lives as they were when Mrs. Brown asked them in second grade. Tyler has made what he wants crystal clear.

2. He should not play against players years older and more experienced. There is no better way that a player can gain experience than to be beaten up by older and more experienced players. There is a question as to whether the quality of players is at the level of an NBA crowd, but they’re certainly at or above the level of many division I and II college teams. Surely they are better than the high school crowd that he is currently beating up.

3. He will be pimped into the low pay slavery of European leagues and risk injury. Only 20% of high school players ever get scholarships to play ball in college. Only 3% make it to a first year in the NBA. Many will not be able to play more than 5 years due to injuries or team cuts. This is clearly what he loves to do, and what he is good at. At least he can earn a living doing what he does best. So yes, he could finish high school, play 1-4 bruising years on the college floor with no pay, surrounded by wealthy coaches, boosters and unruly fans, never receive a thin dime and be respected for being pimped by the no wage collegiate system. Imagine how much money Lebron James, or Dwight Howard would have made for their college choices had they been forced by rules to go to college? Now the rule is one year removed from HS and 19. At best this rule has convienetly forced players to go to college and be pimped for that one year. If it were a rule based in education perhaps it would have been 2 or three years. At least an associates degree level of education?

4. He will be opening up the door to this phenom. Kobe Bryant. Kevin Garnett, Lebron James, and Dwight Howard. None of them went to 1 day of college. Derrick Rose, Greg Oden, and Carmello Anthony all went one year. Brandon Jennings finished high school and went to Italy. This June he tests this decision in the NBA draft. In other words, this way of thinking about professional sports is already here. We’ve also got to stop thinking of success only in measures of millions. Successful players earn a living playing basketball. How cool is that!?

5. What about his education? Who says that he can’t receive it? He will be home schooled to a GED and it will be up to him to continue his education. But before this becomes an issue, look at the rosters of all the NBA teams and you’ll find the few players who actually have a college degree. For the good or the bad of this particular argument, men’s basketball has the lowest college graduation rates of all college sports. Looks like their “gym schooling” wasn’t very productive. Probably because the emphasis was not on academics?

More “positive” scenarios: He plays and gets drafted into the NBA and becomes a wealthy baller. He plays in Italy, doesn’t get drafted, but has a shot at a longer career in Europe than he would in the states. He gets hurt and decides to return to the states with his GED and attend college and his life continues. Regardless, this young man is about to get a job and go to work doing what he loves. What more could we want for a 17 year old? What could be better?

It seems that the negatives and all of the flack over this scenario are about shifting the status quo. Not so much about what will go wrong for this young man, but what might change how we do things in this sports market that is funneled through a collegiate system designed to make money for colleges while giving no money to the athletes who do the work for these schools. Perhaps more athletes who walk the road less traveled will cause the system to shift. An interesting shift to consider for sure.

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Photo by Sierra M.Dennis

The parable of the scorpion and the frog goes something like this:

A frog is sitting, quite peacefully I might add, on the riverbank of his neighborhood village. Along comes a scorpion. Instantly, the frog clinches up, aware of the danger of the scorpion. The scorpion sidles up to him and says, “Can you take me across the river please?” The frog is certain that this is a bad idea. “Why would I want to do that?” “Because I cannot swim and I need to get to the other side,” says the scorpion.
“I cannot do that,” said the frog. “If I do, you will sting me and I will die.”

Now here is the rub. The scorpion says, “Why would I do that? If I sting you then we will both die!” Thinking logically, the frog considers this and decides to go ahead and take the chance on the scorpion. He figures it might get dicey when they reach the other side. He’ll watch the scorpion very carefully and get away from him quickly when they get there. For now though, he considers this a good deed, and is assured that he will be okay.

They start across the river with the scorpion on the frogs back and sure enough, the scorpion stings the frog. As the poison starts to flow through the frogs body and his ability to swim diminishes, they both begin to sink. “Why?” says the frog. As the water takes the two below, the scorpion says, “It is my nature.”
Which are you? The frog or the scorpion? Was it inherently impossible for the scorpion to survive in this scenario? Was it inherently impossible for the frog to deny an act of kindness? In your friendships and relationships which perspective do you lean towards? Isn’t it funny how this dynamic often presents itself in such spaces?

I have known a few scorpions in my life. In fact, I know a few now. Relationships that are as toxic to me as a scorpions sting. The journey for my frog-like self, is to balance kindness with self preservation.

I have known a few frogs in my life. In fact, I know a few now. Relationships where I can be as toxic to them as a scorpions sting. The journey for my scorpion-like self is to balance kindness with self preservation.

What I’d like to suggest is that each side holds the quality of toxicity if not monitored. Being a frog is no less dangerous than being a scorpion. Within each of us lies the ability to be toxic in our relationships dare we not recognize and strive for balance. Equilibrium is required for the sides of our personality to meet our social and spiritual needs. Dare I say that there is an inherent quality of choice here? I am reminded of a quote,

“In each of us, two natures are at war-the good and evil. All our lives the fight goes on between them, and one must conquer. But in our own hands lies the power to choose-what we want most to be we are.”

Conquer is a bit melodramatic perhaps. Good versus evil might be a bit overwrought as well. Yet, “in our own hands,” is key. Truly what we want most is what we manifest.
What do you want most in your life?

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I'm Not Sure If Pandas are Really Peaceful...But they Always Seem So To Me

There are no accidents as they say, so when my daughter asked me to watch a DVD of the Disney animated flick, “Meet the Robinsons,” I thought, “Okay.” I was pleasantly surprised to find an animated flick providing children and particularly adults with positive messages best not forgotten.


Message 1: Don’t be bitter. Let it go. The film villain is literally an “ugly,” bent on destroying the life and future of film hero Lewis. Physically twisted and macabre, this villain is the embodiment of angst. When broached with a child’s contemplation of letting a recent tragedy slide he enthusiastically advises the child not to let it go, but to instead feed on the bitterness. He seems to suggest tasting it slowly like a fine wine. In his unhappy glee we see ourselves from the inside out. This is what bitterness held onto looks like within us.


Message 2: Keep Moving Forward. Perhaps a part two of the “let it go” message. In any space where there can be bitterness lies the same space of letting go and moving forward. Moving forward may not mean forgetting the past. It does essentially give us the chance to pick up new tools and experiences as we move forward. Here, we increase our chances of getting through the past.


Message 3: Failure if looked at positively can be positive. Our protagonist Lewis is a child genius and inventor whose creations tend to blow up in his face. So much so that he begins to see failure as a negative that hampers him from trying again. One such “failure” with the Robinsons is met with applause and a “nice failure” speech. Here, the script is flipped and failure is seen as a desired step towards success instead of a step backwards.


 I’ve noticed that as I have gotten older, message three has become harder and harder to realize. Not that I’m a dinosaur, but when I was younger my missteps didn’t bother me at all. I had quite easily what Shunryu Suzuki-Roshi called “The Beginners Mind.”


Stated….
“If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything; it is open to anything. In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, in the expert’s mind there are few.”
Shunryu Suzuki-Roshi Zen Mind, Beginners Mind


 These days, I can become debilitated by my failures and perhaps what I know or believe to know in my so called expert mind. Debilitation can come so strongly that I can easily convince myself not to even try. I can become convinced that it was not in my ability in the first place and that this is why I have failed at the task so often. The beginners mind I believe, allows us to take all of the messages above and use them to our best advantage to succeed in our pursuits. It is not a forgetful or delusional mind, unaware or avoiding limitations. Instead it is an open mind to the possibilities of each new day.

A much better perspective on life blooms from such a mindset!

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